There is a Proverb in Arabic that literally translates to, “There is no tree that hasn’t been shaken by the wind” ( لا تُوجد شجرة لم يهزها). What it means in some Arab countries is that everyone develops crushes and falls in love at some point in their lives. Some “flames” culminate in lifelong monogamous relationships, whereas others are of a more fleeting nature. It is impossible to know before the fact. However, in either case, there is potential for the lives of both parties to be enriched, independent of the outcome.
Today, I’ve transcribed a popular insightful clip, consisting of 3 tips, that advises people, from a Christian perspective, on how to manage their crushes. Tip #1 is to discern idea versus reality. Does this person have my best interest at heart and is my perception of them based in reality? Tip #2 is to look for overlapping paths. Is this person’s destiny and life trajectory compatible with mine? And Tip #3 is to grow in love. Am I seeking the other person’s welfare or solely preoccupied with my own interests?
Check it out and the complete video below!
You should be very thoughtful and realize in most things — relationships work, even in learning — what you’re trying to do is find the thing you can go all-in on to earn compound interest. When you’re dating, the instance you know this relationship is not going to be the one that leads to marriage, you should probably move on. . . when you find the 1% of your discipline, which will not be wasted, which you will be able to invest in for the rest of your life and has meaning to you, go all-in, and forget about the rest.Naval Ravikant
Maybe your friendship will develop into something more. And maybe not. Regardless, if you like someone, use this is as an opportunity to grow in your love for people. Because this person will either be someone that you marry, or be someone that God will use to teach you what love is and should be.Impact Video Ministries
Transcript of “Wisdom For When You Like Someone”
So I’m sure we’ve all had that special someone that makes our heart smile. It’s something about the way they look or smile or laugh. And the thought of them consumes our minds. They’re the first thought when we wake up and the last thought when we fall asleep.
So, if you’re a Christian, what are you supposed to do when you feel this way? You’ve come to the right place.
Whether you have a certain someone or mind, have ambitions for marriage, or can provide some insight for a friend who’s in love, here are some tips on what you should do if you like someone.
Tip #1: Discern idea versus reality
Judges 16:4-6 “Afterward, it happened that Samson loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the Lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, “Entice him, and find out where his great strength lies and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to afflict him, and every one of us will give you 1,100 pieces of silver.”
So Delilah said to Samson, “Please tell me where your great strength lies and with what you may be bound to afflict you.”
Now Samson was a judge of Israel who fell madly in love with a woman named Delilah. But despite her beautiful appearance, she was someone who never loved Samson. AND was the cause of his downfall.
Here’s the lesson: just because you’re in love with someone, doesn’t automatically mean they’re good for you. Love, or feelings of love. Can cause us to be rash and downright dumb sometimes. We can be like Samson, where we end up falling for someone who doesn’t have our best interest in mind.
So, if we come to a place where our heart longs for someone, we need to stop and we need to look at them, and see if we love the idea of them rather than who they actually are. Samson loved the idea of Delilah. He thought she was someone safe, someone he could trust with his secrets and vulnerabilities, but the reality was that she was the enemy, who would attack if the opportunity presented itself.
We as followers of God cannot be mislead by our feelings. We have to be honest with ourselves our ask, “Do I like this person because I like the idea of being someone? Because I like being liked? Or because I’m lonely or because they make me feel good? Or maybe just because they look good? Or, do I like them for who they are actually are right now?“
Tip #2: Look for overlapping paths
Amos 3:1-3, “Here this word that the Lord has spoken against you, children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying, “You only have I known of all the families of the earth. Therefore, I will punish you for all your iniquities. Can two walk together unless they’re agreed?”
In the book of Amos, the nation of Israel was going to be punished by God for their disobedience and rebellion. And God then asks, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” What God was saying is that God wanted to lead Israel in a certain direction. He wanted to bless them to, to protect them, and to teach them.
But Israel, instead of obeying God, gave themselves over to sexual immorality. They attacked the innocent, compromised their morals, and altogether rejected God. God wanted a relationship with his people, but saw that Israel was going in a different direction.
All this to say, consider the person you like. Are they going down a path that you want to go down? If you’re a Christian, would they be someone who would encourage your walk with God? Would they pray for you? Would they give you grace to despite your failures?
Some other questions to throw in your mind – what do you want in life? What career do you want to pursue? What are your passions and what do you want to accomplish? In other words, where are you going?
Now, hold that thought and think, would this person support that, would they encourage you and help you, OR would they be a hindrance who takes from you time, finances, and your energy?
All this to say, if you like someone, you should know where you’re going in life. And you need to discern if this person would help and protect you, or if they would hinder you or possibly harm you.
Tip #3: Grow in love
Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit. But in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
In this passage, Paul encourages believers not to act selfishly, but to look out for other people’s interests and cares. Now you need to come to terms with the fact that you may not end up with the person that you admire. And that’s okay. Because God will use the people you love to teach you lessons that will help prepare you for your future.
But, so long as this person is in your life, you should try to be their friend. Don’t be their friend only to have a shot at being their boyfriend or girlfriend. Be their friend because they have a soul. Because they have weaknesses and insecurities that maybe you can help. And because God may want you to represent him well in your friendship with them.
Maybe your friendship will develop into something more. And maybe not. Regardless, if you like someone, use this is as an opportunity to grow in your love for people. Because this person will either be someone that you marry, or be someone that God will use to teach you what love is and should be.
So, if you find yourself admiring a special someone, consider these three tips.
Tip #1: Discern versus reality. Just because they make your heart flutter, doesn’t mean they’re good for you. You may be falling for the idea of them rather than who they actually are.
Tip #2: Look for overlapping paths. As yourselves the hard questions. Where do you want to go in life, and would this person help or hinder you?
And Tip #3: Grow in love. Be their friend and treat them the way Jesus would want you to, regardless if it ends up in a relationship. Don’t live selfishly, but selflessly. And see if you can serve them in love.
Love can be messy sometimes. So I recommend getting advice from people who’ve been married a while. In the meantime, we hope this helps. And as you figure out the world of love and romance, never forget Jesus loves you.