Today, I’ve transcribed the powerful testimony of a man named Eric. Eric recounts how God delivered him from a 40-year pornography and sexual addiction that cost him his marriage and alienated him from his kids for a time. Eric talks about how the childhood trauma of rejection fueled his addiction. Even though he became a Christian later in life, Eric continued to struggle in the sexual area before one day an affair he was having became public:
I lost everything that weekend – my marriage, my children, both of my jobs. I became homeless, and that was the day that God said, “It’s time.”
Eric tells how God began to expose the wounds in his heart and set him on a path of fighting — not just for himself, but for the hearts of the people around him, beginning with his adult daughter, who wanted nothing to do with him. Eric asserts that God “showed me what it means to be a man and a husband.”
Eric’s advice for people who have similarly struggled with pornography?
Never give up. . . And the other thing is it has to be spoken out loud. You have to confess it. It’ll be the scariest thing you’ve ever done, but that’s the beginning. That’s where it begins.
Check out the complete video and transcript below! Maybe it will bring healing to you or someone you know.
God will not take the burden from off your shoulders, men. He’s only going to strengthen your back, widen your shoulders, and steady your footing. He’s not going to relieve it. The pain won’t go away. The addiction won’t solve the pain. And you have to confess it and get it out in the open.Eric
Transcript of Delivered From 40 Years of Pornography Addiction (Hungry Generation)
Host: Eric, welcome. Share with us your life before what happened – the chaos and how you got to meet Jesus and what Jesus did for you.
Eric: I’ve been a Christian for 20 years, but for 40 years — my entire life — I’ve struggled with addiction to things like pornography and sexual things. And it is – even though I was a Christian – it still plagued me. And 4 years ago it came out that I was having an affair and I lost everything in one weekend because of it.
Even though I was a Christian, it was still a struggle in my mind and in my heart and everything and I couldn’t break free from it, and I lost everything that weekend – my marriage, my children, both of my jobs. I became homeless, and that was the day that God said, “It’s time.” And then he started me on a journey of rebuilding my life, but he started from the ground up. He had to break me down.
And about 6 months later – God had given me a small business – and about 6 months later I started that business in my friend’s garage, while I was living in his basement. I still had lost so many things in my life, but God was slowly rebuilding those things, bringing it back, conversation after conversation, with people, all sorts of stuff. And he took me to the lowest point of my life standing in that garage.
One day he came to me and held a divine mirror in front of me and said, “You are the man. [Allusion to the judgment of David by the prophet Nathan]. You did this.” And I had nothing left because he exposed everything in me. He brought it all to the surface, and he said, “You have no excuses. That’s it. It’s done.” And that was my lowest day. The lowest day of my life. And he kind of let me just wallow in that for a couple of hours. He let me understand really who I truly was, that Holy Spirit divine exposure.
And then after that, he came back to me the same day, and he said to me “You are a fighter. I’ve allowed these circumstances to be stacked up against you for a reason. You’ve lost everything. Everything has been taken from you. You have been turned against by just about everybody around you because of your sin, but I have allowed the circumstances because I called you to be – from the moment you were born – to be a fighter. You’ve been one your entire life. The problem is you’ve been at war with everybody around you since you were a little boy. So, it’s time for you to get into the right fight, stand up, and get out there and start fighting for the hearts of the people around you. Now go!”
And when he said that to me, something inside of me changed permanently. And I stood up and I couldn’t help but just move. I was so broken because of the shame. Everything inside of me for so many years – lying and hiding. I couldn’t just stand up. But God stood me up and said, “Go’!”
And that day he sent me out after my daughter, my adult daughter, who wanted nothing to do with me. And he drove me to her work, and I marched in that door and I said, “I got one thing to say to you. I love you.” And what I didn’t know is that morning she had reached her lowest point ever. And God told her, “Don’t give up. Don’t quit. Don’t throw in the towel.”
And she started crying out to him, “I just want somebody to tell me I love me.” And that was the day God broke my heart and sent me after my daughter. And that began the process in my life and rebuilding. And God knew that I had to stand up and fight, and the biggest battle ever started from within me. He started bringing it out of me, and he started taking me to the darkest places of my life, the deepest darkest places, the scariest places. We all know those spots in our hearts and minds. And he started taking me there.
A couple years later, he took me to some counseling in Montana. In the middle of that week, he showed me that I had never truly rested in that salvation I had been given. Hebrews chapter 3 and 4 talks about resting in Christ, sitting on what he had finished and completed. And I realized I had never done that because I thought he was going to reject me just like everybody else had, and I knew the only way to heal was to give him access to my entire heart, and I couldn’t do it.
The largest leap of faith I ever took was hiking up a mountain that week, and when I got halfway to the top, I told the Lord, “I’ll sit and rest as soon as I get to the top.” And he said, “No. Stop right here, sit, and rest.” And as soon as I did that, two footsteps to the left, I sat on the ground, and I started bawling. 40 years worth of pain. 40 years worth of rejection. All the stuff from a little boy. All the trauma started coming to the surface. God said, “Do not move until I tell you to. Stay here!”
And I fell asleep right there on the ground and I cried. And I cried, and I slept, and I woke up and God said, “You can move along.” He told me to stay there until I tell you to move, and he said “You can move.” And after that, I started making my way down. I go to the bottom, and I start driving away in my truck, and God said this: “Two people went up that mountain that day, but only one came down.”
That sad, scared, broken little boy was laid to rest up there, and he said to me, “I did that. Enter into my rest. Your strivings have ceased.”
Host: It shows us when we surrender completely our pain and our issues, our heartbreaks, everything to God, and give our problems into his hands, he’ll put peace into our hearts. Eric, can you tell us what happened afterwards and how God continued to restore your life?
Eric: Even through all those things I still struggled with those things. I still hid them, and I couldn’t break free from them. I had accountability software on everything, even the toaster. And I went to meetings – all these things – and I still couldn’t get away from that until the Race To Deliver conference.
The Sunday morning I went for prayer, I thought I was leaving, because I had to get to a birthday party. God drove me to the front. And I stood there praying. I don’t know who it was, hands up in the air, eyes closed. Somebody started praying for me, and they moved on. And somebody else came and started praying over me also. And they started praying this prayer, and they just prayed and prayed, and it started getting more intense and more intense.
And all of a sudden they started saying things like “Come out right now! Come out of him! Get out of him!” And I’m bawling. “Come, leave, just go, get out of this man!” And then he said, “Leave and ever come back in Jesus’ name.” And he turned around and walked away.
I didn’t realize until 2 or 3 days later that I had been delivered from 40 years of addiction to pornography and sexual addiction. . .
God just continued to show me what it means to be a man. He showed me what it means to be a husband. I lost my marriage. But he showed me – he took me a place to my own heart. And he came to me once and said, “Am I your beloved?” What he meant was, “Am I the only thing that you have? If the only thing I can give you is who I am, will you take that?” He showed me how to be a husband because we are his bride. And he taught me how to do those things, and he’s walked me through this healing process with people, person after person, but he showed me how to be a man.
God will not take the burden from off your shoulders, men. He’s only going to strengthen your back, widen your shoulders, and steady your footing. He’s not going to relieve it. The pain won’t go away. The addiction won’t solve the pain. And you have to confess it and get it out in the open.
Host: That’s so awesome to see what God has done in your life. Eric, what are some words of advice for people, for men, or maybe some people who lost everything, marriage with kids and everything, and maybe they find themselves in your position, where they were for years in addiction, and they can’t get set free. What word of advice can you give them?
Eric: I had a prophetic word spoken over me at a different church, and the man came to me and spoke exactly what God had been speaking to me. He said to me, “Do not give up. The second half of your life is coming. The second half of your life is coming. I have a double blessing and a double portion, but do not give up! Give it all to me.”
And the other thing that I have to say is don’t quit. It will be hard. It will be difficult, but don’t quit. And the other thing is it has to be spoken out loud. You have to confess it. It’ll be the scariest thing you’ve ever done, but that’s the beginning. That’s where it begins.